These 12 things define a healthy relationship.
Transcript:
Being in a healthy relationship is what we aim for, am I right? Let’s find out together if you’re in a good one. My disclaimer is that some of these are pretty advanced but I want to believe that you can reach these levels in your relationships. Before I jump in. I’m Jeff Guenther, licensed professional counselor, and this video is brought to you by my therapist directory TherapyDen.com. Find a progressive and accepting therapist by using the over 140 search filters. If you enjoy these videos a free way to support this channel is to like and subscribe.
Okay, I’m going to ask you 12 questions so that you can gauge whether or not you’re in a healthy relationship. If you get 10 out of 12 then you should feel pretty good. If you get 6 or less then I’m kinda worried about you. Anything between 6 and 10 means that some work needs to be done but you could totally get there.
Okay let’s start with my favorite one first.
1. You can be open and non-reactive while your partner is telling you something you did that hurt them.
Honestly, I think this is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. You’re going to get mad, frustrated, angry and annoyed with your partner thousands of times. Partners are the worst sometimes. if you can’t tell your sweetie what they’re doing to hurt you without them getting all defensive and reactive then it’s gonna be tough. It’s a real skill to listen compassionately and be non-judgmental when you are being told that you’ve done something hurtful, but your relationship success will go through the roof if you can master this skill.
2. You can say no to your partner without feeling guilty about it
Sometimes your partner wants you to do stuff that you just don’t feel like doing. Whether it’s watching the real housewives of Orange County, giving them a million massages or scrolling through TikTok with them. In your relationship you want to be able to say no or set a boundary without feeling like you’re totally letting them down. You want to trust that they’ll be okay and won’t make you feel guilty if you’re just not in the mood for something.
3. If you need extra love you feel confident you’ll get it if you ask for it
The best part of being in relationship is getting loved. If you feel like you need extra kisses or pets or reassurance you should feel sure that under most circumstances your partner will give you all the love you crave, and more, if they’re able to be there for you. If the love you get is unpredictable and sporadic then that’s not a good sign.
4. You don’t feel unsafe if your partner gets mad
You and your partner are going to get mad and lose your tempers at times. Whether it’s because of something you did or it’s because we live in a very upsetting and dumb world, you need to feel 100% safe that the anger will be expressed in a healthy and safe way. You should never feel physically or emotionally unsafe in your relationship.
5. You can talk about your reoccuring fights without getting triggered
If you’ve even been in a relationship you know that there are some issues that just sorta never get resolved. These are perpetual fights that will probably live on in your relationship in some form for the entire time. It’s tricky, but very important that you learn to talk about your reoccurring problems in away that doesn’t always cause a big blow up. Because if you don’t. Well…..you’re gonna have a lot of blow ups.
6. You both feel like your physical needs are met most of the time
Look, desire is rarely, if ever, a perfect match in any relationship. You’re not gonna want to be frisky at the same time every time all the time. That’s very unrealistic. However, your physical needs should feel pretty satisfied and if they’re not you should feel okay bringing them up. I want you to be with someone who’s a good match in bed, gives equal pleasure and is down to please you in lots of ways.
7. You’re emotionally honest and feel deeply seen.
Look, you’re going to have to be vulnerable if you want a close relationship with your sweetie. And the only way you’re going to feel encouraged to talk about your deepest feelings is if you feel deeply, seen, heard and understood. So if you don’t feel emotionally safe please tell your partner what they can do to make you feel better about spilling your guts.
8. You give each other the benefit of the doubt
Relationships work best and last the longest when you assume the best about your partner. That’s just how it goes. There are tons of studies backing this up. So if you’re being all negative and assuming the worst then try your very best to be more optimistic and trusting because that negativity will quickly turn to anger and resentment and by then it might be too late.
9. You both happily give without trying to get something in return
Are you keeping tally in your relationship because that’s not a good sign. The main thing I see with unhappy couples in my office is them listing all the things they do for their partner and don’t get back in return. You know you’re in a healthy relationship if you do things for your partner and don’t fret because everything naturally balances itself out in your partnership.
10. You encourage each other to grow at all costs
You’re in a very good relationship if your partner is pushing you to grow and change in positive ways. And it’s extra healthy if your partner encourages you to grow at the expense of quality time together. You’ll get that quality time back in the future but sometimes more energy needs to be focused outside of the relationship in order to nurture creativity, education or career.
11. You accept each other instead of trying to change each other
If you’re constantly trying to get your partner to change so that you can love them then that’s a bad sign. It’s important that you accept your partner for who they are and if they make positive changes in the future that’s just a bonus. Because if you’re waiting for them to change or actively telling them they need to change you’re probably setting yourself up for disappointment and they probably feel pretty bummed that you don’t love them for who they are.
12. There is an obvious playfulness
Relationships are supposed to be fun. Having fun creates a super strong bond. Being playful, silly and funny is essential to any good relationship. It’s also a sign that you can truly be your authentic self and feel relaxed when you’re together. I hope you can be as goofy as you want with your partner.
These are my favorite 12 things that define a relationship. Do you think I missed any other important ones? Leave them in the comments! And if you scored lower than six please think about reaching to a relationship therapist at therapyden.com
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